The Undercover Accountant

Four weeks before our wedding day, Matt and I went with my mom to the florist to go over the details and check out a sample centerpiece. I get such a kick out of this guy! I want to ask him to go for a beer with me.

The rule that my mom has given me is that I have to chill out (code for shut up) and go along with the flowers and stop worrying about what they cost. She said she knows the budget and will (more or less) stick to it. Apparently she told Mr. Florist about this arrangement too.

At one point during the meeting, I was getting antsy. You see, I've gotten sucked in to the idea of these beautiful flowers and I actually wanted to ADD flowers. (This from the girl who didn't want much of any!) More corsages, some wreaths for the church doors, garland on a banister, why not! How delicious, this Wedding Kool-Aid!

However, getting nervous because I have no idea if we're within or over budget, I say to Mr. Florist, "Just let me take a quick look at the prices. I promise I won't add them up."

You know what he says to me?

"The hell you won't add them up! What are you, an accountant?"

Damn, he's good. (Little does he know though that I'm as close to being an accountant as I am to buying a designer wedding gown.)

Mom and Matt both laughed. I never got to see the prices.

Playing Musical Chairs

We have received the majority of the RSVPs, which is so exciting! My mom loved getting them in the mail. After we harass our beloved friends and family who didn't RSVP on time (why does this always happen?), the next daunting task will be . . .

THE DREADED SEATING CHART!

You know, when I've gone to weddings, I just grab my little table tent card with my table assignment and I go sit there. Done.

I now realize that what goes into that little table tent is one of the big un-sung tasks of wedding planning.

People can look at flowers and say, "pretty!" They can taste the scallop wrapped in bacon and say "yummy!" But no one looks at the table of seat assignments and sighs, "wow, so much work went into this. How lovely of the hosts to put all this time into deciding where to seat all of these people!"

Nope, they do what I do: keep a cocktail in one hand and put the table tent in the other hand, and go find the ladies' room.

The Bachelorette (sans Chris Harrison)

My bachelorette party is this weekend! Like Cinderella without her glass slippers, what's a bachelorette without a rockin' (and teeny-tiny-bit slutty) outfit (and Chris Harrison telling her this is final rose this evening)?

Since I can't get Chris Harrison for the weekend, I decided to focus on finding fun outfit. Well, since I haven't gone to a frat party in seven years plus I'm a GAP card-toting white girl in Connecticut, I quickly realized that nothing in my closet was suitable for the occasion. So, off to the mall I went (believe it or not, Matt came and was actually very helpful).

First, I kept trying my old stand-bys (Ann Taylor Loft, the Limited) only to be reminded that I'm looking for party clothes, not work clothes. So I decided to be a little daring: I went to this store called "Maybee," which should've immediately indicated that I'm too old to shop there. Everything I tried on reminded me of Stacy and Clinton on What Not to Wear: "Don't try to compete with the 20-year-olds. Those bitches always win."

Fine, so no luck at Maybee.

I tried H&M, the old go-to store for cheapo party tops. And guess what I found? Nothing!

Suddenly, I was feeling rather old and un-fun. See, I get that I'm 29 and not 19, but what the hell, I still wanted something saucy (but not too expensive) to be the bachelorette!

Luckily, I did eventually find such a number at Express on my third day of shopping. It's a strapless sparkly dress that in all likelihood I will never wear again, but I'm okay with that! It'll be the perfect outfit for this bachelorette.

Now the question is whether my darling girlfriends are going to make me wear anything cheesy and bachelorette-y. I already said no checklist tee shirts or anything like that, but beyond that, I will be a good sport.

Wish me luck and a minimal hangover!

Shaking Hands with the Devil

Alright, you guys, I admit it.

Despite having a 16-month engagement and having done so many things in advance, the wedding is seven weeks away (!!!!) and I'm starting to feel all jittery, like I haven't done anything at all.

At this point, I truly understand the expression, "The devil is in the details." Everywhere I turn, I either spot the devil or his horns are starting to peek up:

• Making sure everyone's got a ride on the big day


• Scheduling beauty appointments


• Deciding exactly who is doing what during the ceremony


• Remembering to get my shoes dyed


• Making sure I don't forget to pay someone . . .

Devilish, I tell you, downright devilish!