Final Words From the New Missus

We are married! Woohoo!

I must say, our wedding day was just lovely. At the risk of sounding really corny, our wedding day felt magical. You just can't match a day when not only did I feel so special and beautiful, I felt overwhelmed with love: love from Matt, from our families, and from our friends.

How wonderful, I should get married more often! Kidding, kidding...

During our 16-month engagement, the Wedding Kool-Aid got ignored, sipped, and other times gulped. Since I have been married for nearly two whole weeks, I would like to wrap up my blog with some parting words of wisdom about wedding planning.

Great advice from other people that I actually listened to:

• Best advice from my new husband: It's not all about you (just mostly), so go wedding dress shopping. Have fun with your mother and sister. You just might enjoy it.
  
  
• Best advice from my friend Katie: Spend money and effort on stuff people will remember, and don't bother on the stuff they won't remember. People will remember food and fun, which means get a great menu and some kickass music.
  
  
• Best advice from my friend Parag: Whatever you can do in advance, do it. There's so much to do the last few weeks, so you'll be glad for any little thing done early.

• Best advice from my friend Celeste: As you walk down the aisle, just keep looking at your husband-to-be. He's the one that matters in the moment.
  
  
• Best advice from my hairdresser: At your wedding, don't bother trying to talk to everyone. It's YOUR day, so spend it the way you want to. If people really want to talk to you, get a photo with you, whatever, they will get to you. (We did a receiving line at the church so we could take that moment to greet all of our guests.)
  


• Best advice from my coworker Kate and my friend Jess: Take a few moments to just look around your wedding reception, preferably with your new spouse. The day goes by so fast, so really grab some moments and hold on to them.
  
  
• Best advice from my coworker Meredith: Wear false eyelashes. You won't look like a hooker.
  

Do I have any regrets?

• It might've been nice if we had gotten engagement photos. We talked about it but just never bothered. However, I now kind of wish we had professional pictures of us not all fancied up in wedding garb.
  


• We had a professional videographer for our ceremony (SO glad we did that), and though we didn't want a videographer for the reception, if we had it to do over, we would've had the videographer capture our introduction and first dances at the reception. Our families came out to American Land by Bruce Springsteen, Matt and I came out to You're The Best (from the Karate Kid), and then our first dance was to Can't Help Fallin' in Love by Elvis. Awesome song choices, I know!
  


• I wish I'd eaten more of our wedding cake because it was unbelievable! (My compliments to Desserts of Distinction.)

Pretty impressive if those are my only regrets!

And here's the most important thing that I figured out on my own: don't do anything just because it's tradition. You get married once, so make it right for you and your groom.

If you think a wedding tradition is lame or just doesn't suit your bridal self, bag it. (Plus, the less stuff you buy, the kinder you're being to your wallet and the planet.)

For example, we didn't bother with favors at our shower or wedding (we made donations instead), a toss bouquet or garter, bubbles or bird seed, or a guest book. We made up our own rules for the procession into the church so it was meaningful for us. However, I did go super traditional and walked down the aisle to "Here Comes the Bride. " We picked the traditions we liked and disregarded ones we didn't like.

(I didn't care about that new/old/borrowed/blue thing either. I almost gave my poor friend Alisa a heart attack that I didn't have something blue on my wedding day. She was like, you HAVE to have something blue! I was like, really, I don't. Luckily I convinced her that my wedding could go on in the absence of blue.)

And on that note... folks, it's over!

Or perhaps I should say, Matt and I have just begun . . .

Feeling Punchy

I had my first moment of irrational hysteria yesterday. Not bad, with only eight days left to "I Do."

After Matt and I applied for our marriage license and assured town hall that we are not brother and sister, we put him on a train to go to work. When he left, I gave him the train schedule and the couple of dollars I had in my wallet after paying for the marriage license.

A few hours later, I was going to get on a train to go see my sister and her family. First, NJ Transit's website was down and I had to deal with calling a phone number with one of those wonderful "automated attendants." So that right there lost me a good 15 minutes.

Then I get to the train station. My hometown is doing construction on the train station, so I thought your only option was to buy your train ticket on the train. As you recall, I have no cash now. As you can assume, I find out the train conductor doesn't take credit cards. So, I have to get off the train in the next town and buy my ticket at a machine that DOES take credit cards, all just in time for the train to leave me there.

The train conductor told me a train was "right behind us." In my book, that means 5-10 minutes. So I check the posted schedule near the ticket machine. In the conductor's book, "right behind us" means 35 minutes! You know what I did? I open-handed punched the schedule and yelled an expletive, and then burst into tears.

I called my sister crying and she complimented my ability to recognize the ridiculousness of crying over a train. So I got myself a pumpkin spice latte and listened to Kellie Pickler, and eventually I was fine.

By the way, can you imagine if I'd gotten married with a cast on my wrist due to punching a train schedule? It would be hard to use the excuse "you should've seen the other guy."

This Is My Dance Space, This Is Your Dance Space

My father loves music. Really, he loves it. My introduction to iTunes was life changing for him; he makes playlists constantly. He enjoys country, 80s pop, show tunes, chanting monks, classical, doo-wop, Christmas carols, you name it. Unfortunately, my poor father is completely tone deaf! He can't clap along to a song at a basketball game. He can't even hum on-key.

So, as you might imagine, the man cannot dance for crap. In preparation for my wedding, he signed up for some dance lessons. After three lessons, he seems to be mastering the box step (or something resembling it). As he practiced with my musically literate mom in their kitchen over the weekend, my mom yelled, "Slow down! Listen to the music!" My dad responded, "What music?"

Anyway, since they're taking lessons, my dad offered for Matt and me to take a lesson. We said, why not?

Luckily, my 7 months of ballroom dancing lessons with Mrs. I. W. Thompson in sixth grade came rushing back to me. OK, that is a complete overstatement. But I did vaguely remember the box step and the Lindy. Matt and I spent an hour with a ballroom dance instructor while my parents watched. In comparison to my dad, my mom thought Matt was the next Patrick Swayze.

You know, it was actually pretty fun! A little hokey, but fun!

We have chosen a classic Elvis song for our first dance, and we plan to do lots of practicing in our living room for the next two weeks in preparation for our first dance as husband and wife!

The Undercover Accountant

Four weeks before our wedding day, Matt and I went with my mom to the florist to go over the details and check out a sample centerpiece. I get such a kick out of this guy! I want to ask him to go for a beer with me.

The rule that my mom has given me is that I have to chill out (code for shut up) and go along with the flowers and stop worrying about what they cost. She said she knows the budget and will (more or less) stick to it. Apparently she told Mr. Florist about this arrangement too.

At one point during the meeting, I was getting antsy. You see, I've gotten sucked in to the idea of these beautiful flowers and I actually wanted to ADD flowers. (This from the girl who didn't want much of any!) More corsages, some wreaths for the church doors, garland on a banister, why not! How delicious, this Wedding Kool-Aid!

However, getting nervous because I have no idea if we're within or over budget, I say to Mr. Florist, "Just let me take a quick look at the prices. I promise I won't add them up."

You know what he says to me?

"The hell you won't add them up! What are you, an accountant?"

Damn, he's good. (Little does he know though that I'm as close to being an accountant as I am to buying a designer wedding gown.)

Mom and Matt both laughed. I never got to see the prices.

Playing Musical Chairs

We have received the majority of the RSVPs, which is so exciting! My mom loved getting them in the mail. After we harass our beloved friends and family who didn't RSVP on time (why does this always happen?), the next daunting task will be . . .

THE DREADED SEATING CHART!

You know, when I've gone to weddings, I just grab my little table tent card with my table assignment and I go sit there. Done.

I now realize that what goes into that little table tent is one of the big un-sung tasks of wedding planning.

People can look at flowers and say, "pretty!" They can taste the scallop wrapped in bacon and say "yummy!" But no one looks at the table of seat assignments and sighs, "wow, so much work went into this. How lovely of the hosts to put all this time into deciding where to seat all of these people!"

Nope, they do what I do: keep a cocktail in one hand and put the table tent in the other hand, and go find the ladies' room.

The Bachelorette (sans Chris Harrison)

My bachelorette party is this weekend! Like Cinderella without her glass slippers, what's a bachelorette without a rockin' (and teeny-tiny-bit slutty) outfit (and Chris Harrison telling her this is final rose this evening)?

Since I can't get Chris Harrison for the weekend, I decided to focus on finding fun outfit. Well, since I haven't gone to a frat party in seven years plus I'm a GAP card-toting white girl in Connecticut, I quickly realized that nothing in my closet was suitable for the occasion. So, off to the mall I went (believe it or not, Matt came and was actually very helpful).

First, I kept trying my old stand-bys (Ann Taylor Loft, the Limited) only to be reminded that I'm looking for party clothes, not work clothes. So I decided to be a little daring: I went to this store called "Maybee," which should've immediately indicated that I'm too old to shop there. Everything I tried on reminded me of Stacy and Clinton on What Not to Wear: "Don't try to compete with the 20-year-olds. Those bitches always win."

Fine, so no luck at Maybee.

I tried H&M, the old go-to store for cheapo party tops. And guess what I found? Nothing!

Suddenly, I was feeling rather old and un-fun. See, I get that I'm 29 and not 19, but what the hell, I still wanted something saucy (but not too expensive) to be the bachelorette!

Luckily, I did eventually find such a number at Express on my third day of shopping. It's a strapless sparkly dress that in all likelihood I will never wear again, but I'm okay with that! It'll be the perfect outfit for this bachelorette.

Now the question is whether my darling girlfriends are going to make me wear anything cheesy and bachelorette-y. I already said no checklist tee shirts or anything like that, but beyond that, I will be a good sport.

Wish me luck and a minimal hangover!

Shaking Hands with the Devil

Alright, you guys, I admit it.

Despite having a 16-month engagement and having done so many things in advance, the wedding is seven weeks away (!!!!) and I'm starting to feel all jittery, like I haven't done anything at all.

At this point, I truly understand the expression, "The devil is in the details." Everywhere I turn, I either spot the devil or his horns are starting to peek up:

• Making sure everyone's got a ride on the big day


• Scheduling beauty appointments


• Deciding exactly who is doing what during the ceremony


• Remembering to get my shoes dyed


• Making sure I don't forget to pay someone . . .

Devilish, I tell you, downright devilish!

I'm Alice, He's Ralph!

For those of you who don't watch the marathon on New Year's Day, I'm referring to Ralph and Alice Cramden - the Honeymooners!

Matt and I booked our honeymoon today! He is back from training in Virginia, and we got the OK from his new boss to book our honeymoon! We are so excited. We are going to The BodyHoliday (coincidentally, where Amy Winehouse went to dry out) in St. Lucia, island o' honeymooners. We are leaving the Monday after our wedding and we'll be there for six nights.

Is it bad that I almost want to just fast forward to the honeymoon?!

In other news, my mom starting mailing our wedding invitations this week! I can't believe it's really happening . . .

Follow That Bride!

Since my last post has brought in a record number of comments (four so far! thanks, dear readers!), my ego's puffed up a bit so I hope that my readers would like to follow my blog.

To follow my blog, in the right pane under "Wedding Kool-Aid Sippers," just click the Follow button or click "Follow This Blog" in the top banner. Then, whenever you sign into Blogger, you will have a link right to my blog. Easy, right?

Plus, I'll feel cooler knowing that people really do read my blog. :)

Shall We Dance?

Matt and I haven't picked a first dance song yet. I am chock full of silly suggestions. Suggestions that are silly because a) Matt would never go for it, b) the song is so corny it would be hard to keep a straight face, or c) all of the above.

Allow me to share my ideas.

A Moment Like This by Kelly Clarkson / This Is My Now by Jordin Sparks / The Time of My Life by David Cook
Reason why this will not be my wedding song: C
I am an American Idol junkie, but even I admit that an Idol coronation song is pushing the limits of corniness.

Stand By Me by Ben E. King
Reason why this will not be my wedding song: A
Because Matt is crazy. He actually told me he doesn't like this song. I don't get it.

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
Reason why this will not be my wedding song: C
I absolutely love this song and all its early-1980s glory, but I think the music video is proof enough for why I can't even suggest this one to Matt.

Open Arms by Journey / You're the Inspiration by Chicago
Reason why this will not be my wedding song: B
Again, I love this song, but I would feel like I'm at the end of summer dance at Camp Bernie in 1992. Matt and I would have to dance arm's distance apart!

A Whole New World from Aladdin / Can You Feel the Love Tonight from Lion King / Beauty and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast
Reason why this will not be my wedding song: C
Much as I love Disney, I can admit how dorky we'd look dancing to one of these songs. (Though I did really consider seeking out a Disney-inspired wedding dress.)

Every Breath You Take by the Police
Reason why this will not be my wedding song: C
Great song, but I don't think dancing to stalker undertones is the way Matt and I want to kick off our marriage.

Glory of Love by Peter Cetera
Reason why this will not be my wedding song: C
Yup, this is the song that plays during Daniel-san and Kumiko's date in Okinawa in Karate Kid Part II. Enough said.

This Is the Night by Clay Aiken
Reason why this will not be my wedding song: A
I love Clay dearly - he's my all-time favorite Idol! - but I think I know better than to even bring this up to Matt.

And yes, all of these songs are in my ipod. Try not to be jealous.

Wedding update -- I had my first dress fitting this weekend and my hair trial!

The Ridiculousness of Getting Pretty

I received those three pairs of shoes. Two were gross, so they got returned. One pair I liked, but they were too big, so I exchanged them for a smaller size.

I got the shoes in the smaller size, now I'm paranoid they're going to be too small after a whole day on my feet and dancing with my prince. (Yes, Matt, I do expect you to dance!)

So, in a truly bridal moment, I doubted my judgement in the first place so I sent away AGAIN for the original shoes that I returned. By my first dress fitting this Saturday, I will have the shoes in both sizes.

Matt just rents his shoes.

For the beauty apppointments on October 24, the hair and makeup circus starts at 8:30 a.m. May I point out how EARLY that is when I will surely have just tossed and turned all night? My wedding isn't until 3 in the afternoon, but the salon, makeup artist, and photographer all seem to think 7.5 hours is a normal amount of lead time on beautifying ourselves. Seven hours to make us presentable. Seven!

Matt just showers and shaves.

You know, sometimes I love the whole silliness of being a girl -- hair products, nail polish, mascara, eye cream -- but I will be a bit jealous of Matt on the big day. His beauty process will set him back about $2 (if I round up) and will take maybe an hour if he REALLY takes his time. My beauty process? More than $300 and seven hours! I'm serious!

I better look damn good. And my shoes better fit!

The Quest for Shoes: Glass or Cellophane?

Considering that brides often reference princesses when it comes to their wedding day look, you would think there would be better shoes out there. I mean, Cinderella wouldn't be Cinderella without the right shoes. Imagine Cinderella in shoes made out of cellophane and duct tape. Hell no!



I know the shoes don't really matter. When do you ever leave a wedding and say, "Wow, the bride's shoes sure were something!" But they do need to be comfortable and at least a little pretty. I am going to wear the prettiest dress I've ever had, so I want to respect the dress enough to find the right shoes.

I was advised against even attempting flats; one friend told me she loved the idea of ballet flats until she saw herself in the mirror. "I looked stumpy," she claims. Not the look anyone is going for, especially on her wedding day.

I sent away for three pairs of shoes. None of them are glass slippers, but none are made out of cellophane either. Keep your fingers crossed that one pair is worthy of my wedding dress!

A Co-ed Wedding Shower Where I Didn't Open Gifts

I am a bit behind on my blogging! Sorry, folks!

I don't even think Matt and I were engaged when I decided that I did not want the typical ladies-only, Sunday afternoon bridal shower. I definitely understand the appeal to having a ladies-only shower, but let's be honest -- does ANYONE like watching someone open a pile of gifts when none of them are a surprise? The bride can't even say how lovely the plates are because then she's just complimenting her own taste since she registered for them. So that was one thing I was set on -- not opening the gifts in front of the guests. I wanted to take my time and enjoy looking at the many lovely things our friends and family gave us and not feel like I need to just tear through everything to keep people from falling asleep.

So our shower was indeed co-ed and I did not open gifts in front of a crowd. It was a cocktail party on a Saturday night. It was a pretty unconventional shower, and we loved it!

The party was a hit. The guests were a mix of friends and family. As we expected, not many of Matt's friends and family were able to come (coming from Massachusetts to Jerz is a long way for a shower), but we were pysched to have each person who was able to come. Our moms could be professional party planners. They thought of everything, from linen napkins and reusable silverware (a nod to my desire to be environmentally conscious), to a two-tiered homemade chocolate cake and a chocolate fountain with fruit and marshmallows to stick in it (as you recall from the wedding cake discussion, Matt and I love chocolate!).

I am usually the annoying photographer at such events, but I knew I wouldn't be able to take many pictures, so I nominated Su. She was a wonderful annoying photographer! She got at least one photo of every guest.

At the end of the night, when most of our guests had gone, I started into our crazy pile of presents. It was utterly overwhelming to have so many presents and such nice things! I felt like Sally Field, thinking, wow, these people must really like us! Matt got bored as I opened the gifts, and they were for him too! I said, you see why I didn't want to do it in front of people?
My dad apparently got bored fast too, so he popped in the DVD of Father of the Bride. Genius, Dad! Then people were sort of watching me, but mostly watching the movie. Martin Short was far more entertaining than me opening kitchen gadgets (but I was QUITE entertained to have new kitchen gadgets!).

Then came the thank you notes. I was a machine. I figured since we did not open the presents in front of our guests, it was that much more important to acknowledge their generosity quickly and appropriately. Matt wasn't around to write the thank you notes, so I did them -- I did more than 30 notes in one week. (Matt will pick up the slack after our wedding!)

Other wedding updates:

• We ordered Matt's ring, or as he likes to call it, his shackle.
• We picked Matt's tux and the dads' and my brother's ensembles. They'll look great!
• We got the results of our "instrument" (AKA, a test) that we took through the church as part of our marriage preparation. Looks like Matt and I don't have the cancel our wedding! Woohoo!

Things are a little quiet now, but I'm bracing for the impact that will come in September and October!

"How Will People Know It's A Wedding Cake?"

I had a big weekend in terms of wedding planning! It was very productive and as fun as it could be without my darling groom!

The cake meeting was quite reminiscent of the flowers experience. Now I didn't even want a wedding cake (we're getting the dessert buffet, which in wedding-speak is called a "Viennese display" - I don't know what Austria has to do with desserts, but I digress). But, my mom nearly had a heart attack when I said I didn't want a cake, so we compromised by saying we'd get just a small cake basically just for the cake cutting photo.

My dad came with me to be the male opinion since Matt couldn't be there. My dad kept calling it the "kak" (Father of the Bride reference). Luckily he didn't inform the baker, "A kak is made of flour and water."



When I made the appointment with this cake place (I've had their cake before - it's delicious!!), she asked if I had any photos of cakes. Of course I didn't. When we got there, she asked if I had photos of what I wanted. Nope, still don't.

Baker: What kind of cake are you picturing?
Me: Chocolate. Lots of it.
Baker shows me photos of ornate white wedding cakes with pink flowers and stuff.
Me: Um, those are really pretty, but they're white and big. I want chocolate and small.
Baker: Sure, we can do chocolate inside.
Me: No, I want chocolate everywhere, so I guess don't want a white cake. [White chocolate is not an option. Chocolate is supposed to be brown!]
Baker: Well, how will people know then that it's a wedding cake?
Me: Blank stare. It took a lot of restraint to not say, "First, people are AT a wedding cake. They will be able to figure out that it's not a Happy Retirement cake. Second, if people don't know it's a wedding cake, who the heck cares?"

Eventually she understood that I wanted something unique for our wedding cake. She showed us a picture of a birthday cake or something that was all chocolate and asked if that's what I was picturing, and my dad literally clapped and said, "Yes! That's it!"

Well said, Dad, well said.

Surely Matt and I are not the first couple to insist on a chocolate wedding cake, right?

My "Amazing!!!!!" Dream

Remember in my early posts how I referenced the weird people on The Bachelor/Bachelorette, claiming everyone dreams about their wedding day?

Um, what do we make of this: last night I dreamed I was on The Bachelor! [I usually dream I'm on American Idol, but I never win.] I never saw a bachelor, I just know I was on the show because I was staying in a mansion with a bunch of bitchy women who thought everything was "amazing!!!!!"

This dream made me wish for my wedding anxiety dreams, but I'm sure there are plenty waiting for me over the next 141 days! What are some of your wackier wedding/dating dreams?

Wedding planning update!
I ordered my invitations from Earthly Affair! I did my best to minimize the amount of paper used (which was surprisingly difficult) and they're on recycled paper from an earth-friendly company. And they're pretty. :) I figure my wedding will largely NOT be earth friendly, so I'll just take any chance I can to be kind to Mother Earth.

This weekend, I'm off to Jerz to check out some cakes, have my makeup trial, and taste some reception food! This is the fun stuff! (But it would be way more fun if Matt were here.)

The British Are (Not) Coming!

I'm well on my way to having my wedding invitation completed! Woohoo! What trip seeing our names on the invitation proof!

Now I get this is not your run of the mill party, so you need to be a little more formal. Fine. I can get on board with "the twenty-fourth of October" instead of 10/24/09. I can even go along with "requesting the pleasure of your company" instead of "watch us get hitched then eat and drink the night away with us!"

But here's what I'm wondering: when the heck did American brides decide we need to pretend to be British to throw a fancy party? I ride elevators (not lifts), park in parking lots (not carparks), and live in an apartment (not a flat). So, why should I start sporting OU's instead of O's and S's instead of Z's? What's up with this "honour of your presence" business? We're not inviting Prince William (though I suppose he could come if he brought his cute girlfriend).

So as long as we live on this side of the pond, I hope my guests will not find me rude for using O's and Z's.

"But You're Almost Done, Right?"

Saying to a new mother, "But babies sleep all the time, right?"

Saying to someone trying to lose weight but can't lose those pesky five pounds, "But if you just eat less you'll lose the weight, right?"

Saying to a bride six months befor her wedding, "But you're almost done, right?"

These are all justifiable grounds for smacking that person upside the head. And that person would deserve it!

C'mon, anyone who's gotten married EVER, ok, to be fair, in the last year or two can vouch for me. Just because you've nailed down the church, reception location, and a wedding dress doesn't mean you're remotely DONE with wedding planning, so why am I suddenly getting this question all the time! (Plus, since I'm now doing this without Matt, it's extra daunting.) I haven't picked shoes, I haven't ordered invitations, I haven't bought Matt's wedding ring, I haven't had my makeup trial, I haven't thought about cake . . .

Word to the wise: you can only tell a bride that she is done with wedding planning when it's a week AFTER her wedding!

For my friends who read this more to follow my wedding planning progress than to read me whining, here's some planning statuses:

• I registered. It was sad and strange doing it without Matt. But I survived.
• I have chosen the ceremony music and booked one of the ceremony musicians.
• I have chosen a design for the invitations.
• I have appointments with the cake people and the makeup person.
• I don't think I have driven anyone, myself included, completely crazy.

Oh and on a completely-unrelated-to-this-blog note: can we please have a moment of silence for our dearly departed golden girl, Bea Arthur. Thank you.

The Players Have Changed, But the Game's Still "Let's Plan A Wedding"

Previously, our wedding planning had me holding the playbook and Matt was my assistant coach.

Now, I'm still holding the playbook, but my assistant coach has been temporarily traded . . . to Virginia.

Matt got hired to work for the US of A and he's now in Virginia in a training program until August/September. Can you believe that the government wasn't willing to halt operations due to our wedding planning? Some nerve those people have!

So, in future posts, you may notice few references to Matt during the various match-ups -- Kathleen vs. Invitations, Kathleen vs. Bible Readings, Kathleen vs. Dinner Menu -- but I wanted to be clear that Matt's not a deadbeat groom! He's just got a different coach for awhile.

How Do You Measure A Year?

In Rent, they point out that 525,600 minutes is a year, so how do YOU measure a year?

Well, recently, it occurred to me that my transitions into and during my adult life could sort of be measured in bras. (I don't think they'll be working this sentiment into the Rent soundtrack.)

I went to the Ridgewood Corset Shop (yes, that is really the name of the store) to try to buy my wedding day underthings. Before we went, my mom traced the back of my dress using surgical tape so we knew which bra I should get. Good thinking, Mom! Anyway, this lady Marika owns the Corset Shop and has worked there for a million years or something. So she comes in the dressing room to measure me and whatnot, and suddenly, I have a flashback: I'm maybe 11 years old and getting measured - by her - for my very first bra. (On a scale of 1 to 10, that experience was a 15 in my level of embarassment.) Now, here I was, 18 years later, and the same woman is measuring me for my wedding day.

I guess the next milestone will be getting nursing bras from her!

I might have crossed over into TMI Land, so I'll sign off now.

Kathleen & Matt Have Sent You an Evite!

Last weekend I was looking again for wedding invitations. I was half hating and half enjoying looking for the one that's just right for our wedding.

Part of me, no surprise, thinks they're a waste of money and effort. No one we care about is going to say, "well, I would've gone to their wedding, but unfortunately their invitation is ugly/cheap/neon orange, so now I'm going to decline." It's a rather pricy detail for a wedding, and it's something few people remember.

And how easy is good old Evite? It knows my past invitees, it logs the responses, it sends reminders. Plus, Evites don't kill any trees. Hopefully eventually wedding Evites will be socially acceptable, but I know I can't do that in 2009. (Somewhere my mom is horrified envisioning the e-mail in her Yahoo inbox: "Kathleen & Matt Have Sent You an Evite! Hope you can come to our wedding!")

Sadly, I have this picture embedded in my mind of a wedding invitation on the floor of my friend Norma's car with footprints on it. Norma's friend spent all this time and effort picking something out that reflects the couple, the dressiness, the theme, and then it ends up being stepped on and maybe eventually the soiled invitation finds a permanent home in a trashcan. That is the future of wedding invitations, whether we like it or not.

Now on the other hand, I am a dying breed. I still send paper mail. You know, the kind that you put a stamp on? The kind that takes a couple days to get to the recipient? I think it's almost as much fun to send mail as it is to receive it. Paper mail is elegant (well, maybe not so much when I put Winnie the Pooh stickers all over it) and thoughtful. It requires using a pen and being careful that I don't write something wrong because there's no Backspace and I haven't owned White-out since high school. I get very excited when I get a wedding invitation. Someone took the time to think of us, obtain our mailing address, write that out, stamp it, AND put in the mail. That's a lot of effort!

So, fine, we will send paper mail invitations, even if I end up stepping on it when I'm a missus and a passenger in Norma's car.

M-I-C-K-E-Y B-R-I-D-E

Su and I got back on Sunday from the Happiest Place on Earth, the Place Where Dreams Come True, Four Parks One World - Disney World!

I hadn't been there in 15 years and it was fantastic. I could go on and on about my trip, but that's not the point of this blog. I actually have some wedding-related observations to share.

First, the monorail informed me that I can get married in their wedding pavillion, so Cinderella's castle is my backdrop. I of course acted like this was uber tacky and I'd never do it, but then Su and I admitted that we secretly thought it sounded a little awesome.

On the topic of Disney weddings, we saw quite a few couples wearing bride and groom mouse ears.

I grinned and rolled my eyes (and then giggled at how Matt would react if I suggested wearing these to our wedding rehearsal). The couples wearing their coordinating mouse ears looked like happy, Disney-loving dorks, and I really don't mean that in a bad way.

Now, what I did see and I didn't like was young girls wearing those bride mouse ears! Walking around Disney World dreaming of being . . . a bride? That is so very sad.

Yes, Disney is about dreaming, but you dream about fantastical things like flying with Peter Pan or being a princess in a sweet castle or being a pirate searching for treasure or having a fairy godmother hook you up with glass slippers. These are fun, harmless things to dream about because we all know, even when we're really little, that it ain't gonna happen. (I mean, I REALLY wanted to be a mermaid when I grew up [thank you, Daryl Hannah], but I think I knew deep down I was doomed to be a landlubber. )

Being a bride is not in the same category as having a magic wand. Sorry, it's just not.

I fear that those little girls in their bride ears are going to be the types of unrealistic weirdos that really think they can find love on The Bachelor. Hey, I bet these are the people who buy those Just Married flip-flops!

Tied Up in The Knot

I was looking at a message board on The Knot the other day (don't make fun), and can I just say again what aliens these women seem like to me? Not only do they speak in codes, but their whole identity is GETTING MARRIED. Guess what? Getting married takes like an hour. Can you imagine your identity being something that takes an hour? OK, actually, let's say these people are obsessed with something that take a whole day - ceremony + reception. What other things could their identities be?

Painting a bathroom

Completing a big jigsaw puzzle

Shopping for a mattress

Hosting a garage sale

Driving to Pittsburgh

I mean, really people, get a grip. Yes, the wedding day is way more fun and memorable than hosting a garage sale, but both take up the same same percentage of time in the grand scheme of your life. (I'm just talking the wedding day, not all the planning too!)

What also makes these people on The Knot weird are these signature things they have. They have these cheesy counters, like "479 Days Until We Promise Forever." I kid you not! My two favorites are below.

The first of a slider showing the timeline until her wedding and a slider of the woman's weight loss success (or I guess failure). Do we need to broadcast how stereotypical we are to lose weight for our weddings (yes, I'm included in this, but I don't have a widget to prove it).



The other is a timeline counting down the woman's first anniversary! In other words, this woman's ALREADY MARRIED and still hanging around on The Knot! The wedding's over, sister. Get off the computer and go pay attention to your husband (he's the one who wore the tux and stood next to you for the vows).

A Rose By Another Other Name . . .

. . . might not cost so much!

I put my mom in charge of flowers because, well, I don't care about the flowers. They're expensive, they die, and I don't know about any of you guys, but I pretty much never remember flowers at weddings anyway. I remember food! To be honest, Matt and I would be just fine with almost no flowers, but if you know my mother, that was definitely not an option.

You can imagine what I treat I've been to deal with. Here's an example of the conversations I've been having:

Mom: I need some help so I know where to start. What's a flower you don't like?
Me: Dead ones.
Mom: Okaaaay. What about color?
Me: I like color. Color is good.
Mom: This is progress. Any colors we should rule out?
Me: Um, I guess I don't want ugly colors.
Mom: Thanks, Bean. You've been very helpful. [rolls eyes]

So armed with this really useful information, my poor mother goes out to talk to florists. She did the initial work picking a florist, thank goodness, then had me go meet Mr. Florist.

Now this guy, Mr. Florist, is really something, and totally not what I was picturing. Like if we're expecting a flamboyant man who would clap his hands talking about blossoms and get choked up looking at bouquets, we had it all wrong. Mr. Florist is more like the guy who might work at a hardware store and give you the selling points on various power tools. This guy cuts the bullshit and gets down to business. He has a very dry sense of humor (at least I think it was humor). Another bride might not dig him, but I actually did.

These were the kinds of things we talked about:

Mr. Florist: Are there any flowers you know you like?
Me: I like sunflowers, but if they're expensive, strike that from the record.
Mr. Florist: What do you picture for your bouquet?
Me: Um, flowers?
Mr. Florist: Yes, thank you. [My mom shoots him a look like, "I warned you about her!"] OK, do you want your bouquet to be whites and ivories, or colorful like the sisters' bouquets?
Me: Colors! I like colors! [Getting nervous...] Is that normal for the bride to carry colors?
Mr. Florist: Look, it's your day. You can do whatever the hell you want. If anyone tries to tell you what to do, you just nod politely then promptly disregard their dumb ideas. Trust me, it's for the best.

I liked him! He was a little bit of a smartass, and I think he'll do a great job.

Corrections Regarding My Number of Readers

In my previous post, I said I knew I had at least two readers, Melanie and Meredith.

It has been pointed out to me that I was wrong. I have at least three readers! Su is reader #3.

Thank you :)

Settling the Dress Debate

I know there are at least two of you who check my blog, so my apologies to Melanie and Meredith for my slacking!

I'm excited to announce that we have chosen the dresses for our sisters to wear! I was trying to find something they could rewear, wouldn't be more than $200, and was a little forgiving around the midsection. Why my hang up on the midsection? Because (God willing) I will become an AUNT in July!!!!!!!! So, with my wedding just three months after my sister's due date, Karen's gotta get into a dress and, you know, have it fit. Yikes!

Karen and I found a dress we (thought we) liked, so I took Matt to check it out. I put on the dress for him, and he noticed something weird with the sash. Matt's probably going to get mad at me for writing this, but seriously, he's the one who noticed that the dress was weird. (Ladies, if you need help purchasing a dress and need someone with superhero vision to check if one string is out of alignment, I can rent Matt to you.)

So back to the damn dress drawing board.

Well, do you remember that dress I was kind of obsessed with, the one I saw in the window in the bridal boutique in Stamford back in June (and yes, I took pictures of it in the window), the one I wanted to wear for my reception dress? I showed the dress to my mom and she LOVED it. Proving my lack of attention to detail in these dresses, I overlooked the most obvious (not to mention lovely) thing: this dress, aside from being SO pretty, laces up the back. No zippers, meaning you can tie it tighter or loser, depending on your ability to avoid french fries. So, duh, the dress I loved all along is the perfect dress for our sisters. Woohoo! Check another thing off the list!

P.S. The dress was discontinued so we are getting a very similar dress instead.

P.P.S. I bought the original sample dress for half price. Hell, probably no one had tried it as many times as me, so it was practically my dress anyway.